Students Say
These are actual quotes from
student papers. The source is unknown.
Water freezes at 32 degrees and
boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing
and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
A vibration is a motion that cannot
make up its mind which way it wants to go.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but
some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all
means living forever.
There is a tremendous weight pushing
down on the center of the Earth because of so much population
stomping around up here these days.
Lime is a green-tasting rock.
Many dead animals in the past changed
to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Genetics explain why you look like
your father and if you don't why you should.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention
them to let them know we know they're there.
Some oxygen molecules help fires
burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother
against brother.
Some people can tell what time it
is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make
out the numbers.
We say the cause of perfume disappearing
is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people
forget to put the top on.
To most people solutions mean finding
the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still
all mixed up.
In looking at a drop of water under
a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.
Clouds are high flying fogs.
I am not sure how clouds get formed.
But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
Clouds just keep circling the earth
around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
Cyanide is so poisonous that one
drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more
important than their names sound.
It is so hot in some places that
the people there have to live in other places.
Wind is like the air, only pushier.
"Water is composed of two gins,
Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and
water."
"Artificial insemination is
when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
"When you breathe, you inspire.
When you do not breathe, you expire."
"H20 is hot water, and CO2
is cold water."
"Three kinds of blood vessels
are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."
"Dew is formed on leaves when
the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp
places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The body consists of three
parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The
brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and
lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which
there are five - a, e,i, o and u."
"Rhubarb: a kind of celery
gone bloodshot."
"Vacuum: A large, empty space
where the pope lives."
"For drowning: climb on top
of the person and move up and down to make Artificial Perspiration."
"For Fainting: Rub the person's
chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put
the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
"The alimentary canal is located
in the northern part of Indiana."
"The tides are a fight between
the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because
there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I
forget where the sun joins in this fight."
"Equator: A managerie lion
running around the Earth through Africa."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized
German."
"To prevent contraception:
wear a condominium."
"To keep milk from turning
sour: keep it in the cow."
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