The Worst Similes Ever?
Winners of the "worst analogies
ever written in a high school essay" contest. (But I am
told they are actually similes). Could your students top these?
He spoke with the wisdom that can
only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because
he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with
a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
She caught your eye like one of
those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors
and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. (Rich
Murphy, Fairfax Station)
The little boat gently drifted across
the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland,
Springfield)
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting
the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. (Paul
Sabourin, Silver Spring)
From the attic came an unearthly
howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when
you're on vacation in another cityand "Jeopardy" comes
on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
Her hair glistened in the rain like
nose hair after asneeze. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Her eyes were like two brown circles
with big black dots in the center. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker
who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets
T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover
Hills)
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like,
whatever. (Unknown)
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch
tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)
The hailstones leaped from the pavement,
just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel,
Silver Spring)
Her date was pleasant enough, but
she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried
in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
Long separated by cruel fate, the
star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each
other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36
p.m.traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at
a speed of 35 mph. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
The politician was gone but unnoticed,
like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode,
Madison, Ala.)
They lived in a typical suburban
neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's
teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
John and Mary had never met. They
were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. (Russell Beland,
Springfield)
The thunder was ominous-sounding,
much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage
during the storm scene ina play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)
His thoughts tumbled in his head,
making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without
Cling Free (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
The red brick wall was the color
of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
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